THE REFRESH

I guess a lot of flowers go dormant for a time. Im not sure if that is quite what happened to me….

photo cred - ZACK VOWELL, BOZEMAN, MONT. (AWESOME SAUCE)

photo cred - ZACK VOWELL, BOZEMAN, MONT. (AWESOME SAUCE)

But something happened. It would be fair and more accurate to say I gave up for a short period of time. I got overwhelmed. They say that comparison is the thief of joy; and lemme tell ya. TRUTH. This whole hobby of blogging, writing, and the social media aspect that follows is extremely daunting in the realm of comparison. It is not difficult to get caught up in the idea that you aren’t good enough, or that what you are writing isn’t good or captivating enough, or people don’t like this or that or the other. That is what probably initiated my disinterest in the whole kit and caboodle. Once this happened, I found myself finding the most mundane excuses you could ever think of to kind of ‘get out’ of blogging. After all, SOMEONE has to water the succulents once a week. And so. I stopped. I stopped sharing anything and I quit doing something I love. It has been roughly 8 months since my last post. Actually, it’s not even fair to call that ‘mine’. 

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A few weeks ago, the thing happened. I woke up and decided I just didn’t give shit. I decided I didn’t care that all my laundry wasn’t done or that my house is pretty much always a disaster. And honestly, those succulents are more work than they are worth and there is some sort of fungus growing on one of them. I know, if I can’t keep those alive, how do I keep my humans alive? I decided I have a finite amount of days on this planet and I’ll be damned if I am going to spend them trying to live up to whatever expectations anyone else has for me. I am not going to compare myself to anyone else either because, truth be told, I’m an odd duck anyways and it’s not like comparing apples to apples. I like pants with loud prints, and bright colored shoes, and I don’t care if it’s trendy or not. And it probably DOES make my butt look big. But I don’t care. And that’s why I don’t ask anyone.

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I am not solely responsible for this epiphany and it wouldn’t be fair to not give credit where credit is due. For most of these people, I don’t know how to give credit other than their Instagram handle….. Lame maybe. But. shrug. Several of these ladies were at an event called Girl Talk I attended put on by an amazing woman in the Bozeman community - Cass Wendell. Sooooo phenomenal.  

@thewellnessrookie for showing me a sense of community and encouragement that has been looooonnng overdue. Cass, eternally grateful.

@revolutionarylifestyle - self love teacher extraordinaire. I don’t really need to say more. She runs a podcast you should check out though. Super duper thumbs up. 

@goodbyecroptop who, in a recent women’s wellness group event, spoke some extremely wise words on aging and convinced me to embrace growing older and gaining experience as a positive aspect of life. This really struck me to the core. And peeps - she is awesome. I canceled a Botox consult appointment. Legit. 

@nicolewildcollective for being a stellar down to earth yoga lady and exhibiting the possibilities of retraining your body to do incredible things.

@ess_effect for also showing me quality community and lady love. And for putting up with my horrid modeling skillz. (skills with a ‘z’ because it’s THAT bad).

Last, but certainly not least, my main squeeze Cark. (That’s Marc with a C to the layperson). He has taught me something that I am not sure I would have ever learned, which is to be graceful and kind to myself. It is an idea I am still growing accustomed to, but I feel like there is so much progress here. I have learned: it is okay to nap, relax, screw up, apologize, and subsequently be forgiven, and it’s okay to NOT DO ALL THE THINGS AND JUST LIVE AND ENJOY. Attention all type A/overachieving freaks out there. Heed this. You won’t regret it.

It’s likely that all of these people (along with a million unmentioned) have no idea they have even impacted me the way they have. But that is why I feel it’s important to recognize that. To some extent, we are all looking to inspire the uninspired. To change someone. Alter a perception for the better. This project will be taking a slight dogleg left for that reason, as far as content is concerned.

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And another thing. I also don’t care that I have horrible grammar and my sentences are either incomplete or run on for eternity. Just sayin.

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